_

updatingk 5/23/96

Velkommen fromm die Schneertz National Institute For ze Advanced Study of Something-or-other. Noo Nooz! not only recently has been discovered zat shrews are immortal budt altso zat nau, due to recent shawnjes in ze veurdlt of geography, zat ze capital of Poland ist not only ze capital of Poland but altso a curtain rod. Undt our erstveil cohorts in ze field of astronomy vil be interested to note zat ze tso-called "Milky Way" is neither milky nor a vay, but is in fact a cluster of back-issues of Space magazine, vich vas only published once, at regularly spaced intervals sroout ze cosmos. Always more nooz comingk to you from Schneertz!

CD-Wom: a breakthrough in data security.

Schneertz Institut Departments of never-shawnjingkz!

Das Textplatz

Travelpostalkardtgallery

Manners

Der Artlinken

Los Diversiones

Synethschneertzia

Ze vay sings have just recently of Chawnjed to beingk!

3/22/96 Welcomingk to Williamingks Kollage Korner

3/16/96 Preview: Frank Sinatra and Lee Iacocca discuss luxury cars in the 18th century.

3/8/96 Tso much has chawnjed in ze veurdlt of astronomy now vith new discovery of Astro-butter. Ve hope you are of as much enlighten as vee!

3/4/96 Oh such a long hiatus! But of technicalwizardry haf ve for you creatingk ze Incredible truth behind Robert E. Lee once and for all revealingk exclusive on Schneertz! Only for Netscape 2.0-ers will this verk. Undt vith modems of slow to be waitingk longtemps for loads!

2/19/96 Veer of receive letter of a nautical nature. Contestingk who can schpot inaccuracy in letter to be winnings a fabulous prize!

2/15/96 Pfinally, due to ze demandt populare (undt lettingk me to tell you ze mail vas just pouringk in) ve put up our "Hotlist". Go browse up a schtorm, undt remembeur: if anysing has shawnjed in ze veurdlt -- don't of taking law into hands of you. Mit los phoncales (or faxings) or epostkardtsendtings Schneertz to tellingk noose!

2/10/96 Vun of vays used to be vahs ven anysing to saying mit freely. Undt I do mean Ace Freely. But not nau mit ze fascism openly as policy on veb. Don't agree? Vell read up on history before zey are it shawnjingk too! Und linken to Voters Telecom Vatch for meaure findingk audt.

2/7/96 Nau unknown to all ist ven zere is race of Scottish frogs overruning ze veurldt. Ve can leaurn meaure abaudt zeez strahnj creatures by peeking in on zem at DomeFlesh undt FishNet. See nau hau are all tangled in virtual Veb!

1/26/96 Recent of Schneertzinstitut comingk into possession of the famous last vords of Sam Markewich, compositeur vis honors from ze Conservetivre in Hauptkreigstrassebourgerking! For you to read right now! Or go to your room!

1/18/96 Presenting of proud BLICscape 96 glitzenus maximus!

12/20 Noo ving of Travelpostkaerdtgallerink und also Bethany's guide to Good Manners virtually a book!

12/18 Open season with Ronald and Edna

12/2 Late breaking nooz on no subject at all!

11/26 New Schneertz schtaff memberpikturs including Darth E. Lee, Robert E. Vader, und ze Blicmeister!

11/16 Nau any veb-pahj can be instantly transfaurmedt onto bad fake feaurun aksont sjust like Schneertz! Only enteringk with typingk your URL into ze Decoder-a-go-go and for goingk crazee vis all of ze many chawnjes zat vill soon happen to all your favorite vebplatzen. Always uber-noo vith Zchneerts, ve report of chawnjes zat haf not even yet happeningk!

Veer haben frendtz! Draw no Schneertz Tree 'n' H.C.'s. Onward!

Schneertz is eine organisationes mit ze schtaff of trained specialists in ze science of noo. Ve ahr in of Prairie's Net, ya. So lookingk zere for more finding oudt. Also are ve to you bringing by kind moneys from Drei und Funf, Inc. makers of fine commercials. Prexy of Schneertz is Heinreich Hundtscheisse so to him a line droppingk, no? If question. VebKaunter